Acceptance

Acceptance was something I needed for as long as I could remember. I wanted to be thought of in a certain way. I did not just want to be the common man. I wanted my reputation
to be huge and sprawling. My thoughts were alive and on fire. I did have a downside however. I had struggles that I tried to hide. I had weaknesses I pretended did not exist. I had
shortcomings I simply ignored. I drank…a LOT! I was a drunk and I was lost. I needed help. I needed direction! I needed significant time spent away from the bottle; otherwise
known as sobriety. I realized I was in a daily struggle with all sorts of issues that mainly came down to being human. If I was ever to conquer and walk away king of my struggles I must first lay a foundation for which my sobriety could be built. I needed to realize along the way I had become emotionally bruised and no amount of alcohol could hide or cure that. I knew if courage flowed from the bottle I would have overpowered my struggles decades ago. I had struggled not because of who I was but because of my blind trust in the bottle and my doubt in everything and everyone else. Alcohol does not enlighten, it destroys. It does not conquer, it creates ruin. It does not unite, it divides. It painted me into a corner, shut the door and turned off the lights. For many years I longed for acceptance and thought the only place to find it was under the influence. I needed to accept myself first and that just wasn’t going to happen without a drink, or two or twenty. I needed you to accept me and that just wasn’t going to happen without many drinks either. Mayhem, poverty, anger, depression and anxiety became the norm. And the worst thing was I accepted them as who I was and drank even more furiously. Chaos became the only way I knew how to cope. My life was a daily nightmare.

It was not until I accepted responsibility that my life was able to take a drastic change for the better. I knew deep down I had to open up, be completely honest and show people who I was
on the inside. The rest was up to them. I also had to accept myself as I was. I had to embrace my roots and my talents and I had to accept what I was and was not. For too many years I used the bottle to impress others. I tried to become what I thought people wanted to see. I tried to become something larger than life itself. And in the end all I did was create a catastrophe that bared my last name. I am who I am with or without a drink. But I am a much better human being when that drink is alcohol free.